The Look - 'Drop Crotch' Jeans Trend: Hot or Horrible?

I read my first blog a few days ago.  I was bed ridden with sinusitis, third novel of the week read, and wondering why I even still own a television.

After reading the first twenty or so I was completely losing faith in the future of humanity… I hadn’t been even marginally inspired by style or substance by any of them enough them to read past the first paragraph (sometimes the first sentence had me hitting the back button).

Then I found her – cristycarringtonlewis, Why I Hate Witty People – and all joyous hope for mankind returned.  Ok, ok - but it was really, really good.

I was inspired anew to take on this blogging adventure.

DISCLAIMER: Ms. Carrington-Lewis is in no way to be held responsible for inflicting me upon you. 

Next hurdle: what in the hell am I going to write about?  I had seen enough banal and insipid drivel to convince me that I could at least do better than most of what was out there.

I kept throwing ideas against wall, but mostly it just went splat and oozed… well – picture an angry chimpanzee in a cage and you get the graphic gist of it.

So, in an effort to distract myself with mindless pop culture, I hopped on the internet to check out the days’ ‘top must read’ articles on a few of the internet ‘news’ sites.

And there it was… sandwiched between 'Kim K's Marriage Meltdown!'  and 'Which (Name a Celebrity) Wore This Dress Better?’

The Look - 'Drop Crotch' Jeans Trend: Hot or Horrible?

photo via Yahoo Shine

The inspiration hit me like a slapstick cream pie – much like I imagine an epiphany comes to to the truly enlightened.

Me... much like the truly inlightened

One simple tweak - one so incredibly obvious to me – that all of the fashion world would soon forget this absurd offering ever even happened.

NOTE:  my interest in, or knowledge of, the fashion industry is really nil.  I do, however, enjoy relishing in the absurdity of it all.

My fashion sense follows a very narrow and simple curve:  appropriate but uninspired business attire, equally uninspired casual Friday staples, and soiled baggy sweats with leopard print house shoes in public.   What I like to call my “keep walking, I don’t need your spare change” look.

That said, I have to apologize to Ms. Kerrington for not sticking to one of the best pieces of advice that she was so kind to bestow upon me:

If I gave a rat's ass about what interested other people, my blog would be dedicated to the joys of scrapbooking and how to obtain that Kim Kardashian smoky eye. If you go the mainstream route, you may get some of the coveted hits I mentioned, but you will have sold your soul and will spend eternity listening to David Hasselhoff - singing - in German.

Bring on the Hoff.

It was never a part of my original intent to sell my soul this way – but please try to understand…

To borrow from a turn of phrase, I am a recovering successful person (thank you George W).  I have bills to pay, mouths to feed, and college tuition for two looming in the very near future.

Suddenly, all I could see were the tags I could use to draw the masses.  Think of it: fashion trends, skinny jeans, controversy/baggy jeans… the list is endless.

Anyway, the article explained that the trend had  “erupted onto the fashion scene over a year ago, but it’s now gaining momentum, with several retailers, including Oak NYC, ASOS and even GAP, now selling the droopy item.”  It was congratulated as a “brave new trend!” and labeled “something likely only hardcore fashionistas could pull off.”

The comments from the peanut gallery article reviews were a blood bath of mostly juvenile (read: male) remarks about what you could hide in the crotch (‘steal a turkey!’), or what they might conceal (‘perfect for adult diapers!’).

And then retailers’ tragic response to the public’s outcry: ‘marked down from $158 to $79!’’

The retailers’ reaction went from mild embarrassment to full on panic: 'These drop crotch jeans from ASOS are reduced from $89.53 to $35.81.'

NOOOOOOOOO! I cried.  Possibly out loud, though I can’t be certain.  I just recall having a sense that passerby widened their berth and quickened their pace.

Was I really the only one who could see it?  Was that even possible????

Could it be that I was really the only who could save OakNYC from the shame and financial ruin that this fashion snafu would surely rain down upon them, but to -in fact- give them the most inspired product launch of the decade?

One simple tweak - one so incredibly obvious to me – that all of the fashion world would soon forget this absurd offering ever even happened.

A win-win solution for not only the designer, but for a whole generation of young fashion innovators…

I had to act fast, because I knew that this would be my one chance at untold riches.  Fashion designers and marketing executives would line up around the block to beg me to come to their rescue.

The signing bonus, the exorbitant salary, and – dare I dream?  My generation’s Holy Grail: Health coverage!

Let me explain.  Unless you are a hermit or of the uni-bomber ilk, you can’t have avoided the most ubiquitous fashion trend of young males to be seen in decades… the baggy skinny jean.  It’s everywhere you look.

But, alas, the establishment has been hell bent on crushing the beloved trend.  Indeed threatening the inalienable right of these young men to their freedom of expression.

"The movement (to ban the look) is fueled by growing worries among lawmakers that the sloppy dress of America’s youth could be related, no matter how indirectly, to delinquency, poor learning and crime."

Crime???  Seriously?  Even if these wanna be hooligams wanted to commit a crime, they couldn't run away from an 80 year old shop keeper on his worst arthritic day without their pants throwing them face first to the ground after two strides!  The bizarre hop-skip while holding their pants up whith one hand thing they do just to walk  is a severe impedement to the speedy get away.

'You better run you whipper snapper!'

“If we have kids going around wearing pants below their butts, it’s not nice, not decent,”  says Timothy Holmes, a city commissioner in Opa-locka, Florida.  “If you ask six of these kids, ‘What are your grades? Four will tell you they are making C’s, D’s and F’s.  I see how senior citizens respond to these kids.  They’re afraid.”

Parents everywhere cried “I knew it!”, and "not my son!” in their best "won’t someone think of the children?!?” voices.

The fogies even have an anthem, thanks to one Larry Platt:

“Pants on the ground, Pants on the ground
Lookin’ like a fool with yo pants on the ground
Gold in your mouth
Hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground
Call yourself a cool cat looking like a fool
Walking down town with yo pants on the ground
get it up!!

What a needless tragedy that would be!

Quick, OakNYC and ASOS – recall all of your drop crotch jeans immediately – there is no time to waste!

Re-label them and do a 180 with your marketing campaign.

You never meant for them to appeal to women, the target market had been young males all along, but the labeling house made a devastating mistake that was compounded by the incompetency of the marketing agencies and retailers.

Think of it… the conservatives and the young male contingent can both rejoice!

The men get to keep their beloved look, and the conservatives are appeased by the fact that the boxers/briefs/and butt cracks are now safely back under cover.  Their children’s futures bright once again.

Now all I have to do is kick back and wait for the riches.

If you’ll excuse me, in anticipation of my impending fall off of the wagon of abject failure, I’m going to go out and splurge.  Off to get myself some wine… something that doesn’t come in a box!